Calvin Miller “Strength in the Wings of Eagles”
By Daniel L. Bamberg
Daniel@Centrevillepress.com
It is written, ”They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
This famous verse from the book of Isaiah in the Holy Bible delivered a message, which carried one local Vietnam War Veteran from his lowest depths to his highest personal summits.
His name is Calvin Miller and though he is currently bound to a wheel chair, that condition appears to be only an illusion. Just minutes into speaking with this man he appears stronger than many men standing upright on two legs. He has the unrestrained balance of compassion, courage and conviction which one can find in nearly every Vietnam Veteran, but then he has that extra something. There’s a specific “true grit” in him that one only finds in a certain people. He doesn’t need to tell me he is a Marine, it seeps out of his eyes, the window into the soul.
Miller was born in Birmingham and lived there until he was 4 years old. When the steel mines shut down his mother and father moved the family to New Jersey. At 17 years of age, Miller signed up with the U.S. Marine Corp. During his 6-year contract with the Marines he served 2 tours in Vietnam as a company sniper.
Miller’s current position in a wheel chair was not due to war injuries but rather strokes he suffered in 1994. Miller came out of Vietnam without serious physical scars, “only scratches from the jungle,” he explains. Like so many who served in the most notorious military conflict of American history, Miller did, however, suffer many mental scars. His story is, however, more than anything else one of determination, conviction, and ultimate triumph.
After many years of remaining silent Miller no longer has a problem talking about the war with someone who will take the time to listen without judgment. “There was a long time I wouldn’t talk about Vietnam. Then, when people asked a question and I gave them an answer they didn’t seem to believe things were as bad as they were. I didn’t understand how they could believe one way or another if they were not there,” Miller exclaims.
Miller also stressed that many people seemed to ask a lot of stupid questions concerning Vietnam. If one thinks it is easy to understand one of the main questions he was likely asked repeatedly. Miller however explains that he had never been one to answer stupid questions politely. “If someone asks me a stupid question I will give them a stupid answer. If they ask me something serious I will answer it, but you better be ready to hear what I have to say,” he expressed. This particular stupid question was not asked of Miller for this story. It didn’t need to be asked. After all, he was a sniper; the answer lies pretty clear in that title alone.
“Went we went into Vietnam it was different than any other war the United States had ever been in, because it was not a war at all. It was a police action. The moment I landed they issued me a rifle and told me I would be issued ammunition once I got to my outfit. I turned and explained that I wasn’t going anywhere without ammunition. Had we come across the enemy what was I supposed to do, point my rifle at them and shout ‘bang, bang’? I explained to them I would not go anywhere without ammunition and if they had a problem with that they could throw me in the brig. They eventually issued me ammunition and sent me on my way.”
“We had to do a lot of crazy stuff in ‘Nam. You’d be surprised what you will do when you have to. You’d be surprised what you will eat and drink when you have to. You couldn’t come across fresh water in Vietnam; that is why they gave us iodine pills. Some of the water looked like coffee with cream. We scooped the water into our canteens, dropped two iodine pills in, shook it up and waited for 30 seconds and chugged a little. Sometimes it upset my stomach, but I wasn’t thirsty.
“The biggest lie the American Government ever told the American soldier in Vietnam was that we would always know the enemy when we saw them. This couldn’t have been more inaccurate,” Miller stressed. He went on from here to tell a very gripping and heart breaking story about a friend of his who was killed by a child sent to martyrdom by the child’s own mother. This story is extremely graphic is nature and unfortunately cannot be printed in a family publication. Yet the point of it all should illustrate exactly how difficult the Vietnam conflict was for the American soldier. The vast majority of those who served in combat witnessed things most of us have never experienced and hopefully never will.
The war for Miller, as with most Vietnam Veterans was literal hell, but nothing could prepare them for the senseless and cowardly assaults many would face at home. There was to be a light at the end of the tunnel for the survivors of war, but those they believed they were serving were taking the part of the blackout.
“I left for Vietnam with 77 buddies, two of those came back. When I flew back there was 110 Marines on board, I knew nobody. After spending 13 hours in the air the first thing we did was fall in formation and then all 110 of us bent down and kissed the ground because we were so glad to see home again,” recalls Miller
“The moment I made it off the terminal, the first word I heard from a civilian was, ‘How many babies did you kill?’ Those things didn’t make sense. People called those that didn’t get killed murderers. When it comes down to me or the other guy getting killed I am going to try my best to make sure it is the other guy. People didn’t understand that. They didn’t understand the situations you come across in war,” he stressed.
The 13 year long Vietnam War lost more than 58,000 American men with an average age of 19 to 20 years old. “These guys never had a chance to live, but here in America the Vietnam soldiers were baby killers and an insult to the country. They were kids doing what they had to do to survive, doing their duty,” suggests Miller.
“I was good at what I did, but am not proud of it. Many people in this country do not know what it costs to be free. A lot of my buddies lost their lives in the name of the freedom. Meanwhile people in this country sat back and ran their mouths about Veterans,” he explained.
“People assumed that everything should be okay because we made it back alive, but everything wasn’t okay. Nobody would listen. Nobody wanted to listen. Through people’s lack of understanding and many not caring, a lot of good people went through a lot of additional pain and suffering, here in the very country that they believed they were serving,” explained Miller.
“I went through 19 years of delayed stress. It almost cost me my family. I lost jobs. I didn’t care anything about anyone. I couldn’t put up with people or crowds and I became an alcoholic. I had nightmares and cold sweats for a long time. I’d relive every kill over again,” Miller explained. While he does admit that the nightmares still occur today, they are not as frequent as they were at his lowest points.
As Miller’s life seemed to be falling apart however he found strength and inspiration in an iconic American symbol and a verse from the Holy Bible. He has a collection of eagle memorabilia, mostly ceramic figurines. He explains that he is proud the United States chose the eagle as the national bird.
“To me that is one of the greatest signs of strength. The idea of the eagle and that verse in Isaiah Chapter 40 has gotten me through the roughest times. Nothing could keep me down. I got down but I never stayed down. As long as I can mount up with those wings nothing bothers me,” Miller explains.
“When I came home from the war I made two promises to myself, never pick up a weapon again and never go hungry again. I have kept those promises. I don’t get angry anymore. I got over being angry a long time ago. My wife helped me get over my anger. She is proud of the fact that her husband was a Marine and loves me the way that I am. She was a literal godsend for me.
“The country is trying to do better for the Vietnam Veteran and they are doing better, but it still isn’t enough. Trying to do anything through the Department of Veteran’s Affairs is an act of Congress. I have to fight tooth and nail just to see a doctor. It doesn’t make sense to me. Most Veterans do not want more than they deserve, but this government spends unlimited money on countries and people who do not like us, but when it comes to spending two cents on their own people it becomes a debate.”
In spite of the literal hell, which soldiers experienced from Vietnam, many of them attribute this war to certain positive aspects in their own personality. Miller is no exception. “It made me stop and think – to look at things with my eyes wide open, not half closed,” Miller explains. He uses the “pro versus con” exercise in life and explains that it helps people see both sides of any equation. “Bad did outweigh the good in Vietnam, but it made the Marine Corp a bright spot of my life. It helped make that brotherhood so much tighter. When you are a Marine, you are a Marine for life. We are part of a brotherhood that this country will never understand.”
Miller understands that patriotism is a love for country even when you do not agree with your government. Amazingly, despite everything he has endured or suffered, Miller suggests if his country needed him to do it all again, he would without hesitation. “I love my country that much,” he explains. “I fought for and would have died for the morals, respect, values this country once believed in. Now those things are going away fast, but I would still die for them. I love my flag and believe it stands for those who died for it. I believe the flag represents strength. Nothing is more beautiful to me than an unfurled Garrison flag (U.S. flag 20’ x 30’), blowing in the breeze,” Miller concluded with an honest smile. Though a tear never glazed his eyes there was a sincere passion in every word he spoke, yet his oral cadence never changed tone at any point.
He suggested that at one point he never understood why he survived Vietnam, but now knows that he needed to raise his four children. Those children are now adults. Once his children were raised Miller moved to Arizona.
Shortly after, he moved to Bibb County in 1991, a place he hadn’t seen since his early childhood. He moved to West Blocton, where his parents were originally from. Miller began working in West Blocton as a mortician. He explains that his service as a mortician was a way of coming to terms with Vietnam. He explains this was giving something to people, giving families a peaceful final vision of their loved ones.
It was while working at a funeral home that he met his wife, Wanda. After suffering two strokes, which eventually bound him to a wheel chair he could no longer perform the duties of a mortician. Even then Miller did not stay down, much like the eagle, he simply carried on. Until very recently he worked as a local substitute teacher. “I told my kids I would see them graduate and I kept my promise. This past year I saw the last one get his diploma,” Miller said.
He and his wife now live in Centreville. “She is the first person who has ever loved me for being me. She was there when nobody else would be. We have our momentary disagreements but we do not argue. She’s my inspiration,” concluded Miller.
As April 30th 2010 becomes the 35th Anniversary to the end of the Vietnam War we take time to honor those who served. We take a moment to reflect on their unnecessary but unselfish sacrifice. We look to learn from the past. We remember the Vietnam Veteran.
All month long, the Centreville Press, through Bibb ‘Out of the Box’, will honor these brave men with stories. We have come to a time where the Veterans of the past wars are nearly taken for granted. It is important we learn what it means to be a veteran and the importance of their duty. The present generation has already made a share of war veterans. Let us learn how to better present the American military with the proper dignity that their service deserves.
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